Am I about to ruin Christmas

Am I going to ruin Christmas?

The past week I’ve been having a real depressed episode with aniexity attacks the past three days. There is absolutely nothing to be depressed about. My shopping is done. I am not cooking dinner for Christmas Day. Yet I am a mess. Balling over everything thing shouting at the kids. I hadn’t had any Christmas spirt. And I didn’t last year either. Put it down to having a 4 week old. But there was no excuse this year.

Today I decided I needed to sit my self down and have a huge talk to my self. What makes me happy. Seeing my loved one been happy. How can I make Christmas Magical. Christmas magic comes from the children’s excitement that santa is coming. It come from seeing everyone around me happy. But they are not going to be if I am sad. So I gave myself a ginormous kick in the ass and told my self that I was been selfish and to make this Christmas about the Our lil kingdom and to stop moping around.

It’s hard to do it, hard to drag myself out off it. But fixing and helping others is what makes me happy. Also I had to retrain my brain that it really doesn’t matter if we don’t have the instagram perfect Christmas. Because nobody gives a fuck what why my Christmas is and what gifts I get my kids. Weather or not santa wraps our pressies or even if the potatoes will be boiled within a inch of their life. Absolutely nobody give one fuck so why should I make myself get in a tissy thinking what so and so thinks bout all the gifts I bought would it look stingy.

Christmas to me to about my family and their happiness. That is all.

Why stress about one day so much. It’s over and done with and then you have the impending guilt that you must make a New Years resolution and keep it.

Thats an other days worry. Tonight I am just about the my little family.

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