Toxic People

Eh, I am sorry, I forgot I only exist to you when you need something.

Do you remember in school the girls would only talk to you if you got the new Polly Pocket doll, or felt stickers for your sticker book, or if you had chocolate spread on your lunch and they didn’t. And if you were anything like me, you let them because you loved the fact you were getting attention and you felt that they actually liked you for who you were, not for what you had. Then for the rest of the school year they’d completely blank you and ignore you and your feelings, you’d be completely distraught and confused about why they hurt you. Your mother told you that this would happen, and you’d promised yourself that you wouldn’t let this happen again and again.

This repeated throughout my life, I would think that a person would like me and we would really get along, then I’d realise that they are only using me. I’m just too soft and I want to please everyone. I’d do without just to please someone and have on occasion put other people’s needs before on my own families, for example; I stupidly loaned money out to people and only had half my weekly allowance left and I would be put on the spot when someone would ask me for a lift somewhere when I’m going in the complete other direction, of course I’d say yes. But then im rushing back or im late to pick up my child from school. On the other hand , when I would need a lift or a favour they would say no I’m busy, or if I asked would they mind looking after a child while I rushed to the doctor with another one. They would be always busy.

We all have people in our lives or so called “friends” that are actually toxic people. You may need to be nice and friendly to them because maybe they are friends by association or you work with them or they are your child’s friend’s parent. There are a few types of toxic people in everyone’s life. You have the constantly jealous judgemental person, you know the one who is never ever happy for anyone and they are constantly trying to find some fault in everything that others do. They are like this because they themselves are not happy with their own lives and they want the rest of the world to be miserable with them. Another way you know if a person is toxic is if when you’re around them, they make you feel depressed low and in a bad mood. Say for example, they are constantly moaning and giving out about their partner, and you come home and are angry with your husband, but he hasn’t done anything wrong. Some toxic people are magnets for drama, something is always wrong. Always, and of course, once a problem is solved, another one emerges. And they only want your empathy, sympathy and support–but not your advice!  You offer help and solutions, but they never seem to want to fix anything. Instead, they complain and complain. Then you get the people who constantly interrupt you while you are talking and you are looking at them while you are talking, but you can see they are not paying attention to a word you are saying. One thing that drives me mad is when I’m talking to somebody and you must explain the thing 4 times to them, like if you listened in the first place you’ll understand.

Here are a few signs I’ve come up with to notice if you have a toxic person in your life.

If you feel like:

  • You must constantly save this person and fix their problems,
  • You are covering up or hiding for them.
  • You dread seeing them.
  • You feel drained after being with them.
  • You get angry, sad or depressed when you are around them.
  • They cause you to gossip or be mean.
  • You feel you have to impress them.
  • You’re affected by their drama or problems.
  • They ignore your needs.

Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty, it’s an act of self-care.

You deserve to have wonderful and loving people in your life and I know it’s hard to have people upset with you, but if it means losing and getting rid of these types of people in your life, just walk away or if you can’t totally walk awaythen distance yourself from them. You should weigh up your friendship and ask yourself, are you really losing a friend or are you gaining positivity and happiness in your life. And if you are worried about what they will say about you to others, Rise your head up high because you need not worry about what people say behind your back, they are behind you for a reason.

Holiday Post

1 checked in bag 5 carry on cases 6 backpacks 2 buggies 1 baby carrier 4 children 2 very tired parents.
We are just back from a week in the lovely Corralejo in Fuerteventura in Canary Islands in Spain.  We braved it with 4 kids 3 under the age of 5 and a hormonal 12-yr-old. It was our first beach holiday in 7 years and Family holiday in 4 years.  We braved it with 4 kids 3 under the age of 5 and a hormonal 12-yr-old. It was the first time he ever left me for that length and even it was his first trip aboard without me. (My son that is not father-in-law)
Foremost of all, I felt this holiday was one that precisely was not meant to go on. With several people close to the family getting seriously ill in hospital and we had no passports for the children, even though, we applied for them a month before we were due to depart.

I’ve just made out a few tips to help you learn from my mistakes about going on a plane with kids.

  1. Make certain you receive all your passports in your hand before you book the flights, or even give yourself two months to receiver them. If anyone needs to deal with the passport office in Dublin I’d strongly advise you to make an appointment and go in if you don’t have much time to get one. The standard 15 days for passport express is not really 15 days it’s more like 25 days. And when you call them there is a message telling you that they don’t answer phone calls. They also don’t reply to emails the only ways of talking to someone is Twitter and going into the office. If you have an enquiry you don’t need an appointment. Anyhow, we applied for all four passports for the children to renewals and two new ones went to the Garda station and got all four forms stamped. You need to have the children with you and their father, Naas Garda station was glad to see the back of us.  So, after doing all this paying for the express fee and posting off, we tracked it online and it said we wouldn’t get them back until the 25th April. Sure, we needed them before the 13th .after private messaging them on twitter and it takes a day for them to reply and even both of us going into the passport office on two separate occasions we finally got them on them on the 10th April 3 days to spare
  2. Do not book the earliest flight… It may be cheaper, but your sanity isn’t worth it. We were flying out at 7.40 am, so that meant we had to be up at 4.15 to go to the airport, we did pack the car the night before, best tip ever as it causes less stress. So, we got to Quick park in Dublin airport at 5 am to then park the car, unload the car. (Remember 1 checked in bag 5 carry on cases 6 backpacks 2 buggies 1 baby carrier 4 children, 2 very tired parents) get the stuff to the bus stop while a bus is waiting for us. Kids crying because its cold and they are tired. If I had booked a later flight we could have gotten to airport earlier, hubby could of dropped me and the kids (or half of them) to the airport with the bags, drove back to the car park and park it while we waited for him, by the time we are on the flight the kids were wired and over tired it’s a 4 hour flight to Fuerteventura and they were like a pack of wired cats that got high on skittles. Then they were too excited to be staying in a new place and to see their grandparents and brother.
  3. One big thing is if you are flying with Ryanair don’t try to save the money by not booking in luggage. Its €70 return for a bag, but it’s well worth it because as we thought we’d save a bit of money and only book in a 15-kilo bag for the 6 of us and carry on the 5 carry-ones that we are allowed to. But completely forgot about the fact that the two-year-old and the five-year-old cannot manage the cases and so Mammy and Daddy needed to try to wheel all these as well as try to mind the three younger kids.
  4. If you are bringing a child under 4 I’d highly recommend bringing a buggy for each child. We brought two as even though our two-year-old won’t sit in a buggy at home, she really needed it when we were away it’s a lot of walking and also late nights. We used one for the baby (5 months) also and I brought my baby carrier so I could strap him on. This came in handy as when the five-year-old got tired we put her in the baby buggy and I carried him. Less moaning and when Daddy was sunburned he didn’t have to carry her much on his shoulders. If you are doing this and don’t need it in the airport you can ask them to check it in with your luggage, you just need a sticker label of them and bring it to oversize baggage.
  5. Security is a nerve-racking place even for people who don’t suffer anxiety. I just need to see a guard and I panic that I’m breaking the law. I’ve watched enough of banged up a board and border control to make me think awful things will happen to me. So, make sure all liquids are in the bags that are required by the airport. But baby food, bottles of milk, baby medicine, yoghurts, etc. don’t need to be under the 100 ml and you can carry as much as you like. But try to have them all handy in the changing bag so you can take them out and put them into the tray. The security needs to test these by dipping a swab into them you must agree to this. Also, make sure there is nothing in the buggy basket or in any pockets. This need to be all emptied out. And they also swab the buggy for drugs, I bought it only a day or two before and had never used it that was a major eek moment.
  6. With 3 kids at that hour of morning say goodbye to any airport, shopping you think you might get done. Just head straight to the gate. And if you are flying with Ryanair it’s a long, long walk to the gate. Probably 20 minutes for an adult with two wandering and easily distracted girls its about 40 minutes.
  7. Make sure you have tablets charged earphones that work, different colours and books and teddies whatever your child uses to keep quiet, I had these, but none kept mine quiet, the five-year-old decided to sing the song from tangled at the top of her voice I had to keep telling her to keep quiet. Also, bring soothers bottles and hard sucky sweets for taking off and landing.


I must say Corralejo was a beautiful place and we stayed in Oasis Dunas .Click Here. It was perfect for the children, with 3 pools 4 water slides and 2 playgrounds. They also have a kid’s club; however, we didn’t avail of this. A pool bar that served lunch and drinks all day and a separate bar that opened in the evening a supermarket and a restaurant. The apartment was lovely there were two rooms with both having two  beds, fan, wardrobe and dressing table and a real wooden cot for the baby The kitchen had the standard  Cupboards, fridge, 2 rings ceramic hob, toaster, microwave, kettle and coffee maker, There were a sofa bed and a terrace with patio furniture and a sun lounger and where we where it was a real suntrap.
The town is lovely it has a lot of modern shops like Mango, Bershka and Zara as well as the usual tourist spots where you can get your rip of goods like fake MK bags and Super dry T-shirts. There are tonnes of restaurants my favourite while I was there were INFUSIONS and loved Toro Beach but couldn’t enjoy it as the kids were misbehaving and Most bars accept kids but the friendly bar is Murphy’s Irish Bar.
I came home for the holiday with 3 Spanish looking kids, they all have my shallow skin and are golden in colour and the baby is snow white & hubby is a lobster. The flight home was as much stress as the flight over, but with an added random drug swab for my five-year-old daughter, also she had a Build a Bear Teddy bear had wires in it and the security asked me if it was a bomb. I didn’t even know it did anything, but if you press his ears they light up.
So after the Stressful week of a holiday I couldn’t wait to get back into the norm of school runs, Think the next time we decide to go away as a family the kids will have to be a lot older than now. I need a holiday after it.




Perfect Mammies ( Yeah Right)

What is a perfect mammy, what does she do all day, what does she wear?
When I say the perfect mammy I automatically think of Brie Lawson from desperate housewives. But even she had her skeletons in the closet didn’t she.
Nobody is perfect, I’m trying to beat that into my children every day. People make mistakes and what’s perfect for one person is dysfunctional to another. However, I am so afraid of been judged by people that they might think I am anything less than perfect. Society’s idea of a perfect mammy is someone who is emotional and physically fit has a complete level work to home balance. Feeds the children only organic food and plays with her 2.5 children in a creative artistic educational way. Children would go to bed at the exact time every night with a bath and bedtime story read to them. There is never any pile up of washing or ironing to be done and the house is spotless. She even greets her husband home from work each night with a glass of his favourite drink and a smile on her face.
My life is 4 kids 2 dogs and 3 fish, my whole life revolves around the kids and my husband leaving very very little, actually , no time for me. Last night for dinner was this
potato waffles beans and sausages because we only have twenty euro until Thursday. And that’s all we have in the presses for a dinner. I would love to spend all day colouring in and making creative crap. However, my day is filled with laundry and cleaning up after 4 messy animals who thinks that living in a pigsty is a great place to be. I actually have a laundry room that I am always afraid to open the door because a pile of clothes might fall on me and I wouldn’t be found for days. (Actually, that sound’s a like a heaven,  no kids for days !) and my husband is greeted at the door by usually a kid or me crying in his face. Pleading for help.
However Motherhood has become like a spectator sport, People feel free to comment on other’s parenting skills. Throw into the mix the Internet and it all goes downhill from there. On every special occasion, you will see on every social media outlet happy family and it is like a competition who can have the best happy family picture uploaded. For example Mothers day my timeline on all the social media was full of how mammies where having a perfect day and been spoilt however I know people are not going to put up the fact that the daddy went out the night before and didn’t let mammy get a lie on, and she had to get up to the screaming kids. She has to make her own breakfast and put a fake smile on her face to hide the disappointment. Or Daddies said “awe but babe you’re not my mother”… GRRRR, that gets me how do you think a 3-year-old is going to go to a shop and buy mammy a present or even make mammy a card without Daddy’s help. Or the one that really gets me riled up is, when people say “awe what do you need a day off sure your not working you do nothing all day long”… Don’t get me started on that one that’s a whole other post worth.
The competition among mothers is ridiculous. It’s like that the perfect Supermam went to work and had kids and kept the house clean, breastfed until her kid was 20 and now feed him only organics, take him to piano lessons, soccer training, and oh, by the way, is a  size 6 and her hair & makeup always looks great!  These expectations are unrealistic yet we all know women who appear to be meeting them, but she has probably huge dusty black skeletons in her closet and she’s just better than average at hiding them. But the average mammy out there is struggling with things in her life, so what if she didn’t bring John to football or Mellissa to piano lessons on that one Tuesday, they stayed at home and cuddle on the couch and binge watched the Simpsons while eating crisps and chocolate for dinner. Or she hasn’t had time to have a shower today so her greasy hair is tied back up in a hun bun that the Peru two would be proud of. And she has huge industrial size black bags under her eyes.
I’ve put together a few tips if I picked up in my 12 years of parenting. Suffices to say I don’t practice them always but I always have them in my mind.
  1. Stop reading parenting books ( to an extent)
    Reading parenting books can be useful but too much you don’t have to follow it word for word stop thinking there is one right way to do things and that if you’re not doing it that one way your kids will suffer. You will start to think you are a terrible mammy. In real life, mammies get stressed and lose patience. Sometimes, we shout and get angry. But one of the things that the books doesn’t tell you is that is that children are very clever enough to  know that when you act in love that you’re acting on their behalf
  2. Stop listening to other people’s thoughts on your kids
    You will always get mammies saying to you that “oh no you’re not feeding your child a happy meal from McDonald’s My little angel will never eat fast food”. Number one thing ill say is your child will grow up to be an obese geek because he will be sneaking fast food into himself because one thing kids will do is to rebel against what they are not allowed to have. Number two is just to say “thank you for your input, but you this is my child and I will raise him whatever way I want, you have ( or had I love this for any older women who think they know best) your chance to do it your way.
  3. Mammy always knows best
    She does really you always know by your gut feeling whether it is the right thing or not. Always go with your gut. and don’t let anything or body else persuade you to do anything different. As I previously said it’s your child and it your choices you make for them. And another thing I learned was not to listen to doctor google. you’ll have an incurable disease and will only have 12 hours to live.

So Just going to leave it  with this little quote.

If today we were perfect then there will be no need for tomorrow.

Irelands only Sunny Stressful day

Well, today been probably the only summers day we are going to get we said we would make the most of it.
First of all, everyone needs to get dressed washed and fed breakfast I start to get everyone dressed.. easy task? If you think wrestling a 2-year-old octopus is easy…. I’d just have removed her pyjamas and night nappy of her and I just my back and she’s the other side of the room. I have to pull her back onto the bed and had to hold her in between my legs in like a vice grip. By the time it takes to put her shoes on she has ran away for the sixth times and I’m already sick of calling her name. Then it’s the 5-year-old olds turn, she’s more like a kangaroo. Jumping on the bed and bouncing off the walls. I’m all for everyone expressing their individually but she hasn’t got a sense of fashion in her head. She’s freaking out because she wanted to wear her pink dress and pink fluffy snow boots instead of the beautiful purple dress & flowery shoes I picked out. I once again lose the battle & we settle on the pink dress and green shoes.
Then when I can only start to think the worst is over the 12-year-old is freaking out because he can’t find his hi-top runners and does not want to wear any other shoes. As usual, I said where did you leave them, I get i don’t knooooow maaaaaaa. After I hear him stomping and banging the doors in the bedroom. I go in to look. And the first place I look there they are. I get the huffing and muttering under his breath and he looks at me as if I put them there, No Son i don’t like to hide teenagers runners in my spare time. The baby is easiest to dress. No cheek or guff. And I even get a smile. And of course Mammy is last to get dressed, I have two minutes to pull on a pair of jeans that I just cleaned baby spit up of with a baby wipe, and a T-shirt that is probably full of some child handprints.
Check the time it’s 12:30 we still have to pack the car.  We have to make sure we have the baby bag, two sets of nappies and wipes, bottles need to be made. We need to search the house for soother’s because we always lose them. And swap r the buggies, Look for the baby sling. What about hats and suncream? Feck we need coats just in case.
By the time it’s all done it’s 1.30. We need to put everyone into the car. The chase is on, it’s like trying to catch wild animals. First is the 2 yr old octopus I struggle with her to just get her to the car & she has mastered to art in arching her back just when I try to snap the buckle in. Put the rest of kids into the car then we actually have to count them to make sure we have four. Finally, we get to lock up the house and sit in the car then tears happen… I forgot my dolly, I forgot my phone, I need the toilet… grrr.
Finally, by 230 we are on the road and headed to bray half the day is gone already. However, as I already mentioned it’s the only sunny day we get in the year so we weren’t the only ones with that idea and we spend an hour sitting in traffic. Kids shouting in the back “We want the seaside & why are we not there yet? Daddy, why are you stopping in traffic?”
Sun is shining, I try to think happy thoughts… we are having a nice happy family day out. We are going to be normal. We are not going to fight. So eventually we get a parking spot and yea we are here at 4 o’clock. Get out of the car and sort everybody out. All I hear is moans. It’s too windy … I do not want to walk…. I’m hungry…. so I keep thinking happy thoughts.
We walk about 200 meters and that’s it I snap” happy fucking thoughts” are out the window. The kid’s voices are going true my head. I’m cold & I have a banging headache. Even the husband is getting on my nerves. The kids are running away from us, probably to close to getting knocked down, than I want to admit. Running into people and 2-year-old screams every time she sees a dog or bird. Get me out of here.
Back to the car and pack up again listen to the tears and cries. All we hear is stop it. Or maaaaaaammm she’s looking at me or maaaaaaammmm she’s breathing my air.. my way of not getting out of the car and running away is to turn up the radio really loud and drowned out the noise.
Its just not worth it sometimes,my ideal happy sunny family day turned into a day out with a bunch of whinging moaning monsters. Much rather be at home the next sunny day we get. Next year probably.

Weighty Issue…

It’s been a good few years since I was a size that wasn’t in double digits. When I first met my husband 15 years ago I was a size 8. I got pregnant with my first child when I was 19. I went from a size 10 and ballooned up to a 22 during my last month of pregnancy. Even my earlobes but on weight. It was my 21st birthday 6 months after I gave birth and I had to shop for a dress. I didn’t want to admit it but I squashed into a size 14. Looking back at the photos I hate it. But that didn’t put me off stuffing my face. For years I always stayed at a 14-16 and at one stage I was happy with who I was. It didn’t matter if I was fat. I was happy and I wasn’t happy when I was starving myself.  It was a false happy

I joined Slimming world January 2014, I was only losing a lb one week and putting two on the following week. No matter how much I stayed on plan I wasn’t losing weight. It wasn’t until valentine’s day 2014 that I found out I was pregnant my third child. Second pregnancy in 2 and half years. Tummy grew and stretched and my muscles lost their elasticity.  After the birth of my 3rd child, my anxiety went the roof.  The doctors put me onto a new anti-anxiety tablet, one of the side effects of this tablet I was weight gain. I gained 2 stone.

My husband sat me down and said the words that no women wants to hear. “I think you are letting yourself go”, that at that moment he couldn’t say that he found me attractive. My heart sunk. I know to people might think that that sounds like he is a complete ass, believe me, I thought so to too at the time. My husband doesn’t have a filter he says it like it is. I am actually grateful for it now at the time I felt awful how I could let myself get like this. Why did I start to let myself go? So I started a new shake diet and joined a gym. I’ve never been on the inside of a gym before. I started to lose weight in 2 weeks I lost a stone in 4 I lost 2 stone. Was fitting into a size 12 jeans. Then while I was on the treadmill at the gym one day I was chatting with my friend and something dawned on me. My period was late. Eeek not again I was pregnant with baby number 4. 3rd baby in 4 years.

So after been immobile for 2 years with back pain and 3 pregnancy in 4 years the walls of my tummy has almost disintegrated. I have Diastasis recti, the walls of my tummy had separated. Drs said I’ll never have a flat stomach and will always have that pouch.

Well after watching my sister’s wedding video yesterday I hate the way I look. I know I was 8 weeks after giving birth. But seriously I was huge. I am huge. My tummy looks like I’m 9 months pregnant and I have as many chins as in the Chinese phonebook. And that is going to be there forever. Every time I look at a photo of the wedding I’ll be fat in it. And I have absolutely no motivation. I’m going on holidays in 12 days and the thoughts are making me anxious. Will I look like mutton dressed as lamb? Are the photos are going to haunt me for ever. So there is no chance of me getting pregnant again. And I have no excuse. My aim is to lose a stone by June that’s 3 months roughly 5lbs a month. Just need to put down this packet of peanuts and hide all the chocolate in the house.


OMG like had totally a 1st world problem today IDK…. I had a phone but had no internet on it… I sat for 2 hours in the passport office and it is sad to say I didn’t know what to do.

I got my first mobile when I was 16 it was a good reliable Nokia 3310. You texted your friend on SMS and you played snake. And if you were technical minded at all you made your own ringtones.  Or send the teddy SMS pictures. I didn’t get my first smartphone until after I was married I was 25.

So I had to make it into lower mount street from Tallaght without google maps…. EEE kk kk knew the general area was going but didn’t know the street or even the turn. Thought I’d wing it. Got to the canal okay-ish, but after Ballsbridge, I went up and down the same road 3 times eek. Eventually found the passport office. And had to park the car I usually pay for on-street parking with an app called parking tag. But I didn’t have the internet. So just that moment I figured out I forgot my wallet. Shit had no money thought I’d get emergency cash with my banking app. Nope, that couldn’t happen either. Actually, i walked around looking for somewhere I could get free wifi… nope needed a Starbucks or McDonalds. So 2 hours waiting on a desk to call me for my inquiry at the passport office.  I rearranged my apps on my phone Deleted duplicate photos. Was like I had chopped off arm.

I got home and my phone nearly had a meltdown once I hit wifi. I went from 845 this morning to 4 pm this afternoon. It wasn’t like you hear people say it’s nice not to be contactable. But today wasn’t nice and I actually don’t know what we did before we have the tech we had today. I would be totally and utterly lost with out my mobile…

Fuck It Moments

Today I was at my son’s football match. Watching your child play football is really a mixed bag of emotions. Seeing him chase after the ball you jump for joy hearing other mothers shout your son’s name makes your heart jump. Watching some little fucker from the other team tackle him you want to go onto the pitch and smack the kids face.. the team lost 4 1 today. In my opinion, the ref was against us from the start. No matter what the score I always beam with pride seeing him play.

Afterward, we decided that because it was such a  nice sunny day we would do a Family picnic… That means us getting a bargain bucket from KFC and eat it in a park somewhere.  It is usually from the boot of our car in the Curragh, today it was in Marley park. Nerves were at me because Oh My God its Marley park all the yummy mummies will be staring at me and tutting because it is not organic healthy food, or it’s not nut free peanut butter…After we scoffed our food like I mean it looked like we hadn’t eaten in a month and were a pack of wild dogs. The girls were starting to wander & get bored so we said we’d go to find the fairy tree.. which it reminds me I have a crap sense of direction we walked around in a loop but didn’t find the tree… but we were having a fuck it moment, one of those moments where I didn’t care who was watching and who was judging.  So the Husband started to try to do a cartwheel, last time he tried to do one in the back garden he fell and actually had a lump on his shin for about 6 months later. then the kids got all giddy and tried to copy. Me, on the other hand, could only manage to do tumbles.

But that was a day that I’ll always remember. It was a day I said fuck it and didn’t let the thoughts of people judging me control me. I didn’t care if we looked like plebs in the park because we were all happy and smiling…

You Dont know What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

I have been told that I am a very friendly person, one of the features that people comment about me is that I smile a lot. However, from years of brushing my depression under the carpets and not talking about my feelings, I have mastered the art of fake smiling.

I may look like I have my shit together to the outside world but behind my hall door I am just a girl who doesn’t want to get up in the morning time, who has to actually build myself up to have a shower, who doesn’t care about her appearance or health. and the thought of leaving the house has made me have countless anxious thoughts and probably have taken a panic attack. I snap and shout at everyone ( hubby gets it the most), Kids are kids and will rebel back and probably do something stupid but its the end of the world for me. I lose it. I’m so stressed that by the time we get into the car my kids are terrified to even sneeze. I’m a wreck, palpitations, and sweat going on and my husband hates me.

But to the outside world, I have my hair done I have a full face of make-up on, I am wearing nice clothes and I have a happy family me and hubby are so in love and everything is perfect.

Looks great from the outside but you don’t know what went on behind the closed door……

Sleepless Nights

31st March 2017

So I am a mammy to 4 beautiful funny intelligent annoying whining children. Oldest is 12 a stunning boy who is already breaking a million hearts. Next is 5 who was an emergency c section delivery at birth and ever since then I’ve called her my diva. She hasn’t got a patch on Beyoncé demands… Next is 2 who is like an angel to look at. Like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. But is slowly growing to be a walking terror.. then the baby is 4 months old. He is still new and wakes every night without fail for a pure whinge…

So it’s 01:46 and I are lying on my 2-year daughter’s toddler bed trying to get her back to sleep.. there’s not a hope in it happing. She’s been awake since 12 30 and hubby tried the bad guy routine with her. I know this doesn’t work with her. One thing I’ve learned from my girls is that you cannot treat or shout at them as they grow even bolder. So here I am laying here coz she wants a cuddle.. the nanny trick of keep on putting her back into her bed doesn’t work and isn’t fair to others at this time to hear her scream.

This is the fourth night in a row I’ve been awake at this time. It’s also the 4th night that I don’t know how I haven’t lost my marbles. I’m so tired most of the time I’m starting to hallucinate. My husband asked me “where was I?  coz I was away with the fairies”.. but I’m so tired I don’t know where I am half the time. It seems like different and drifting away from him but I’m not I am just exhausted.

Hubby said to me what is your wildest fantasy… trying to get kinky. I couldn’t think of anything sexual that I’d love. But I would love to go to a hotel on my own have a bath in a big bath without having to clean it first….. Put on my robe and do a face mask. Then sleep a full 6 hours in a big bed with white crisp sheets. To wake up in morning to be handed breakfast in bed.  Spend a few hours on my own. Let’s just say he wasn’t impressed. But that’s all that’s on my mind is for me to sleep…