Depression affects 1 in 5 people in Ireland at least once during their lifetime, That’s one out of a normal sized family. However, why is it still so stigmatised? Why is it that it took for me to start writing this blog for many friends and family to come forward and say listen Babs I suffer from this too but couldn’t speak about it. I know why it’s because people, especially Irish Mammy’s, don’t like the world to know they are weak. They don’t want the world to judge them. However, if more people spoke out about being depressed it wouldn’t be such a stigma. Post Natal Depression is also a big thing in Ireland, and I feel as being a mother of four children there isn’t much support out there for women with depression. The Mental health service of Ireland is an absolute shock. There should be more trained people in the health system to notice and help treat postnatal depression.
It’s like 50 percent of all mothers will get the baby blues. I explain the baby blues as been a really bad episode of PMT, You know when you’re on your period and the kitten add for mcvities comes on the T.V and you cry. That’s what it feels like but with a bit more emotion. Your body has gone through a very traumatic thing whether its birthing naturally or by c section your body cannot cope with the drama of the whole process and you have just pushed a human being into the world, bar the execution pain, it’s the overwhelming feeling of love and feeling proud, also now you are responsible for a new little human in the world. The first few days you still have adrenaline running through your body and after the first few days, it’s like your body goes OH SHIT this is real. The pain, The baby, The love. Baby Blues usually passes after a number of days. In my opinion, if you are still crying over the toilet paper not be replaced or your motivation to get up and wash your hair is gone by week 4 you should be getting to the doctor and trying to see someone. Whether it is drugs that will help you through it or whether it’s just talking to somebody. However, its is awful admitting to yourself that you have a problem, let alone admitting to anybody else let alone a doctor that you don’t know that well.
Been a Mammy with depression carry a heavy burden. Not only do you have to take care of your own health and wellbeing, but you’re also responsible for the health, happiness, and success of your kids, not to mention, oh, their actual lives.Now, how are you supposed to act like a functional adult through a mother and toddler group when you can barely function at all? Part of being a Mammy is learning to make do with what you have, even if it’s unwashed hair, sweats, and a bad attitude.
I’ve done up a little few struggles you feel when you are a Mammy who is suffering from depression.
- Feeling like you are a Failure of a Mammy: The fact that you sent your child downstairs to watch Peppa Pig, while you lay in bed not having the motivation to get up, when you finally get up the kids are attached to you like you have left them for days. You feel the Guilt that you are a lousy mammy and you don’t deserve the kids, Your husband should leave you to go find a happier wife.
- Admitting your kids are the best and the worst thing for your sanity: Depression already makes me feel the guilt of not being good enough but add in kids, the world’s toughest audience, and it can send me into a spiral They get on my nerves I shout at them and then I feel shittty for ruining their lives.Although ,when I’m feeling really low, my kids are also the only thing that can bring me out of myself completely. They make me laugh, the stupid funny things that they say. or the hug that Gabi will give me just because or when Tori stops and tells you “Mammy you look Beautiful”.
- Worrying that your kids will inherit your mental illness: Oh, this is on my mind every day of the week, wondering whether my kids have inherited my mental illness. Callum would be a very anxious and nervous child and every day I feel that pang of guilt that it is all my fault he is like that.
- Stop caring about how you look, When I am in my deepest depression you could find me out in the school with a t-shirt on that hasn’t been washed in days and has holes in it and trousers that completely clash with the colour of the top. Hair not washed and scrapped back, my face is rag order with pimples because I didn’t take my make-up off three days ago and haven’t washed my face since.
- Throwing the best birthday party To make up for the fact that you didnt get out of bed and make him his breakfast all them times and you had to send him to school hungry, but you make it up to him because you feel guilty and you want him to have the best of everything,
But it’s okay to struggle and its ok to be like this you are doing the best to raise your children and they will love you no matter what.