I pee when I sneeze, what’s your superpower?

*** TMI WARNING***

Let’s talk about Pee!! I am a mammy to four children and yes every time I laugh, sneeze , cough,  jump, walk, get up from a chair, sit down on a chair, I pee my pants.

I am currently trying to toilet train my Gabi, tell her not to pee in her knickers, Yet I do every day, maybe a couple of times a day. After having Callum, when I was 19, I thought ahh I’m only young I won’t need to do my pelvic floor exercise.

Then one night I was out with Karl and a few of his work friends we were in a bar in Dublin, and I started to dance, Jump up and danced next thing I know I pissed my self, I was 21 and I had peed myself. I was too embarrassed I couldn’t say it to anyone, not even Karl. For the next 7 years, I couldn’t tell anyone that I was peeing myself. During my whole pregnancy on Victoria, I constantly leaked, it got worst n worst, the midwives told me it’s normal. The fact that when my waters broke on Victoria, I didn’t think they broke, I just thought that I had wet myself. I had practised my pelvic floor exercises. I did every time I thought of it. It didn’t pass and I went to my GP and talked about it .She referred me onto a physio I actually went to three physios that specialise in women’s health and done what I was told to do but then I had two more kids within the space of 2 years…

I am quite a regular in Phyisotherphy with my back pain and my constant leaking. I was actually at one physiotherapist and she was giving me my exercises to do. She actually inserted two fingers inside me to feel the strength of my muscles, let me tell, you think that being a woman she could have been a little gentler in that area.

Anyway, after the uncomfortable examination was over she explained that you can get these pelvic balls that you insert yourself and you have to keep them up there so get your muscles working. She told me to go get the large ones. Feck sake love I’ve had 4 children I don’t need to be told that my vajayjay is big. I have gone to three different physiotherapists and tried all the exercises and do my pelvic floor exercises every day about 3 times a day. Pelvic floor exercises are also called Kegal exercises, I also have a friend who will remain anonymous, When she was pregnant she was told to do her Kegal exercises. She came back from her appointment and started searching Kettel bells to buy. Don’t know what she was thinking of doing with them???

I have gone to three different physiotherapists and tried all the exercises and do my pelvic floor exercises every day about 3 times a day. Pelvic floor exercises are also called Kegal exercises, I also have a friend who will remain anonymous, When she was pregnant she was told to do her Kegal exercises. She came back from her appointment and started searching Kettel bells to buy. Don’t know what she was thinking of doing with them???

Here is a little explanation on how to do them correctly.

It gets me down a lot having this stress incontinence. I constantly think I smell like old lady wee, I don’t like anyone going near my crotch area. I hate wearing grey or light trousers just in case I leak a bit. My self-esteem has been affected by this. So much so I hate dancing when I go out and going to the gym because I leak. I’m so paranoid that the person behind me on the treadmill is looking at my wet patch getting bigger and bigger.

I have gone to my GP and explained all of this to her and I finally have gotten an appointment in the Coombe to see a gynaecologist next month. The physiotherapist’s and GP both have said my core muscles are not strong enough. I put it down to having back problems and my muscles going to shreds. They call it stress incontinence.. too right it fricken is stressing me out.

Any young girl out there or girls who haven’t had babies.. please please please listen to this pissy mamma.

DO YOUR PELVIC FLOOR EXERCISES…..

All that matters is our Kingdom

How can I split myself into four ???… Serious question?  Well if I have to think about it how do I split myself into 6. I need to be Mammy to the four children, who all have different needs and wants, I have to be a wife to my understanding husband (who isn’t getting enough attention lately) and I need to be Me to look after myself. So how do I so it?
I’ve been so busy this week trying to finish the kitchen which I started the June bank holiday 2015.  The kids have been let run wild, The back garden is full of poster paint and wood that the girls decided to “paint” . Charlie has been moved from bouncer to buggy to the floor to walker just to keep him quiet. Karl is off work this week and he has been handed list upon lists to help get the work done, he actually would rather be in work. As for me, I’ve totally neglected myself and my emotions I’ve not allowed myself look at any social media and news programs because of what happened in Manchester at the Ariana Grande concert and also the tiny baby who died in Tipperary, Because I just can’t deal with the feelings I might feel, I haven’t allowed myself to have a spare minute at all this week. To gather my feelings and check in.

After the day I had today. Cleaned the upstairs of the house all three bedrooms and bathroom & also decided to clean the BBQ. While I was out the back scrubbing the BBQ. The horrid sound came. The sound that every parent dreads ….. THE ICECREAM VAN! I knew immediately what would happen, so I shouted: “Victoria don’t open that door.. it was like I had said to her. “If u open that door I will buy you 3 ice creams”  also it was as if I said to Jake the dog “That if you run out the door I’ll buy you three bitches that you can actually get on top off. ( we have a dog pomeranian and a bitch husky.. great fun to be had.. they even swap roles and even ends)
Well within that five seconds Victoria opened the door and Jake the dog went running….. I went running after him… so bear in mind it was 26 degrees in Naas today ,there goes me running in flip flops and a pair of shorts that I put on me this morning knowing I wouldn’t be leaving the house.. and when I get back to find Gabi had poured out a drink from a 2 Litre bottle of Fanta. She missed the glass and filled the table and floor with sticky Fanta… I was so wound up I had to escape. I went to my bedroom and left Karl to look after the kids.

But….

Tonight I let go I spent almost an hour in the garden with the family, playing eye spy we all laughed and got annoyed together and for the first time this week we all got along, also figured out that my kids didn’t lick their weirdness from a stone. And after I put the big kids to bed, the baby, Charlie, just clung to me. It was as if he wanted to say to me mammy don’t put me down again. He held onto my hair while I felt him inhaling my scent. I could feel his cheekbone going into a smile. That’s what made me say… Fuck the house. Fuck the residents association. Fuck anyone other than the Our Kingdom.  The six of us is all that matters :The King & Queen, The Prince’s and Princess and well even the Stupid Dogs. That’s all who I care about.

Now, this could be the gin and tonic sorbet and bottle of prosecco talking….

Age is Just a Number!!!

It was my 33rd birthday on Friday last. When I was 23, if anyone was 33 they were ancient, now I am 33 I still think I am only 23. However, was hit hard by this realisation on Friday night. Three out of my last five birthdays I was pregnant. Even my big 30th. So, since I’m not getting pregnant ever, ever again, I said I wanted to go out and get drunk, let my hair down and dance the night away. The last time I actually drank on a night out was in January at my eldest sister’s wedding. And oh, boy did I drink that night.

The nerves were acting up I spent the whole day of my birthday being anxious and couldn’t relax to enjoy the day with the kids. I was on edge all day stupid thoughts like what will I wear, am I too old to wear a playsuit, should I just wear flat shoes, what if none of my friends has a great time. The usual shite, but I had my rational head on and push myself to head out. Sure, I was heading out with the Karl and 3 of my oldest bestest friends, F, M and S (Not in ages because I’m the oldest by only a month, as they keep reminding me), and unfortunately, D and E couldn’t make it. My Mother-in-law said she would mind all four kids overnight with one stipulation that we stay there also, we can get up with the kids in the morning.

So, we were running late as usual dropped off the kids and decided to drive into town and park the car at Karl’s job. This was the first realisations that I’m getting old. He was going to park the car near the Quays and we had to walk to the top of Harcourt street. That’s only a 2km walk… however, I was wearing heels, new heels. Last time I wore heels was Callum’s confirmation on 4th march. These shoes were gorgeous in the pictures online, but when I got them delivered they were higher than I thought.  So, I made my husband drop me to the door of the pub I walked in to meet my friends. There were balloons all over the place and when I walked in the front door, I was handed a glass of Prosecco, there was also a free barbeque. It was like the venue had an event on however we got in and they didn’t ask us any questions. Well, it was a great night. There was a saxophone player and plenty and plenty of people there. However, we needed a seat. Realisation number 2. We can no longer stand for long periods. We needed to get a comfy seat away from the speaker.

There was a mixed crowd there, lots of after work drinkers and a good few stags and hens and a group of people dressed completely as the Star Wars characters. There was a mixture of all ages mainly people in their 30’s. However, there were a good few in late teens and early 20s. Well OH MY GOD the getup on some of these. Like most them were wearing runners, back in my day you were not allowed into the local pub with a pair of runners on let alone a venue like the Harcourt hotel. The girls had really really short skirts like that short you could see their arse cheeks. There were velour tracksuits with high heels, a girl wearing a lingerie body suit like the lacey kind you get in Ann Summers, completely see thru. There was a couple wearing baggy jeans white tops and bucket hats like matching & theses two had moves that Save the Last Dance movie would be proud of. This is when I discovered that there I am actually glad I am not single at the minute there is no nice chatting you up or buying a drink anymore. The Fellas were literally pulling out of girls. Trying to grab their hands.  Chivalry is well and truly gone. Not like back in my day when you were chatted up at the bar and then asked to dance. Now I’m saying my day. I was 18 since I last scored a guy in a pub, that guy been my now Husband. Well after a number of long neck Bulmer’s and a Jager Bomb… I braved the dance floor with my beautiful and wonderful friend F. We done our moves, my Knees started to ache, then so did my hips, and the pelvic floor was like a leaking tap every time I moved.  Our moves were obvs not as good as the girl actually on the floor humping. Which by the way isn’t allowed in the dtwo bar the bouncer told her number of times. And even her advances towards him didn’t stop him from doing his job. After we had our last pint, well F and I did, some dope robbed Karl’s. We laughed the whole way home in the taxi only to realise it was 3.30am.

The next morning was well…. Somebody gave the kids a bell like they have in hotels. I was woken up at 9 am I only got to bed at 4. But can’t complain as was handed a lovely fry to soak up any leftover alcohol in my system. I rushed the hubby up and we had to trek into town with the four kids and two hangovers to collect the car. We got the Luas in, that moves way too much for somebody with a hangover. It was a quick visit to town as we were penniless and hungover. We managed to get home and cuddle on the couch. We are definitely going for parents of the year, opened a box of celebration chocolates that was left over from Christmas, and gave it to the kids to feast on so we wouldn’t have to get up and make them proper food. Hit the hay early that night.

The next morning, I woke up to feeling that I was just in a fight with Connor McGregor. I was in bits. I couldn’t lift my head of the pillow, but mammy duties called had to get up to four screaming kids. They were all given whatever they wanted for breakfast and a movie was put on the telly for them. However, it turned out to be such a nice day out. We went for a walk along the canal with my mam n dad and the kids. Brushed a few cobwebs off me. Today is Tuesday the 9th, Four days after heading out and my legs and body still ache… I am coming to the realisation that I am no longer a young girl…